To Mustache or Not To Mustache?

This week, like every week in the magical fatherland of the Guido (which is an actual first name here and I know someone who is the proud owner of said name), has been quite eventful. The most intriguing question we have been faced with: To mustache or not to mustache? For weeks we have been saying we are going to host a Mustache Bash at the Lion's Well (or L-Dub, as I like to call it), so we've already had mustaches on the brain. Then, this weekend in Orvieto, my roommate Jones and I had a discussion with Anderson about how funny it would be if he shaved his week's worth of beard and adopted a mustache. Once back in Cortona, Jones and I promptly forgot about this conversation, however, Anderson did not. That evening, at the L-Dub, we were introduced to Javier, Anderson's mustachioed alter-ego. Javier enjoys not smiling in pictures, touching people's faces, playing with balloons, and being a general creep. Now, a mustache as a joke is one thing, but a mustache for serious? I'm pretty sure Anderson's is a joke (though it may not be, he's an odd young man), but here is a list of the only persons who should wear a mustache, if for no other reason than to identify them in a crowd:
-Pirates
-Sea Captains
-Swarthy Latin men
-Europeans (men and women)
-Pedophiles/Sex Offenders
-Members of barber shop quartets
-Cops
-The musical group the Village People
-Burt Reynolds
That's pretty much it. If you do not fall into any of these categories and don't want people to laugh at you incessantly, please go shave. If you choose to retain your 'stache, I will laugh loudly in your face and so will everyone else. That's just my opinion, but it's true.